i don't understand. time after time. you're stuck in my mind, why do i let u invade my thoughts. why i can't get over you. i know better, but at the same time i don't. im not happy. its killing me inside and i think its kinda bad that i kinda enjoy it. im stuck, i don't know what to do. its hard to get over it, i keep trying and i fail, as per usual; i can't do anything right. i tell myself that im over but i keep running back, why. fuck why. what is wrong with me, this can't happen, its not going to happen. yet a part of me wants it to. in some alternate universe or world, i want it to happen. i wonder what would happen if things were different, if i wasn't so stupid. its so hard. it's breaking me, and i don't want to keep hiding anymore. but i know i can't. i hate it.
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i have this really bad habit of going with the flow, in terms of my interactions with people who im interested in. its not really going with the flow per-say, its more of doing things i normally wouldn't do to satisfy other people. this usually leads to me being unhappy and uncomfortable around them almost 90 percent of the time. and i know i should stop doing this, because what i feel is way more important than them. omg im pissedt, but anywayyydyydsh, my anxiety :)))) people are stupid, and im like the epitome of these people.
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